Next, something I know (and have stated repeatedly) about men – of all ages: We do what we want. Which means that even if many widowers throw themselves into new relationships because of their tremendous loneliness, THIS one seems to be functioning more like your basic super-successful middle-aged man. You can give him an extra-wide berth because he’s newly single, but be forewarned: a man who is newly single (and is keeping a little distance) is probably going to want to get a greater sampling of what’s available instead of diving right back into commitment.If he were lonely and desperate to get married, I’d feel better about your chances, but he’s not.I want to be sure that I am getting my needs met and that I’m not just a “rebound” for him. Dear Karen, One thing I know about widowers, followed by two things I know about men.Widowers are QUICK to rebound, to a point of being unseemly.We did go on a short road trip for her 50th birthday, which was fun, but the trip I'm planning is much longer than hers was. I feel I am generous to her throughout the year, and I am hurt that she wants to restrict where I can travel. I can understand trying to place a special location or experience "on hold" if you are planning to visit it with a specific person, but the way you describe your sister-dynamic, you are giving her a lot of power because of your guilt over the difference in your fortunes.There are a few places I have told my husband I cannot visit unless I can go with her. It is unfortunate that your sister can't always accompany you on all of your travels, but she is just going to have to manage her own feelings about this, without micromanaging you.
He says he has always taken it slow in dating and this is nothing new.I polled friends on this, and we all fell into the "chase him off the property" category.Dear Appalled: This attitude is nothing to be proud of.(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: [email protected] have offered to take her places (and have taken her places), but she rarely wants to go — and sometimes she has trouble getting off of work. She does not get to call "dibs" on locations — especially if she has previously refused to visit these places with you.It is also hard for me to afford the cost of a trip for two people. But you should not ride shotgun on your own guilt trip.
You and other male friends and family members should be a positive presence in the life of this family.