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After Mike, I tried to force it with a guy named Forrest. Caring, funny, talented, gentle, heartfelt, playful, passionate. Our friendship began that summer and stayed strong.I regularly dreamed of telling him how I felt, but I was too self-conscious and nervous. I’ve worried about others’ opinions for the majority of my life.Yet I forgot the opinion that mattered most—my opinion of myself.Looking back, I hated myself too much to be able to give anybody else anything but hate.

The number of messages I received on OKCupid confirmed that I had something valuable to offer. True, I still had some weight to lose and wasn’t completely confident in myself.

Forget everyone else for a moment and truly focus on yourself. Like a typical elementary-age child, I never worked up the courage to tell him my feelings.

Loving yourself is the first step to finding somebody else to love you. I imagined myself walking up to him and telling him how I felt, though I never turned those dreams into reality. I had a handful of crushes in the past, but I was going to encounter a beast I had no clue how to handle: a potential crush on .

I was afraid of getting hurt if he wasn’t actually interested in me. Being open and honest with myself, let alone anybody else, was terrifying. I can only remember through the eyes of an obese, insecure teen girl.

Though it would be interesting to know for certain, I’m glad I never clarified my relationship with Mike.

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You need to be able to love, forgive and trust yourself before you can consider giving them to another person.

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