You may like going out on date nights, for example, but your negative-Neil groans about the crowds and expensive drinks.
You want to keep the peace and avoid his complaints, so you stay home.
Opposites may attract, but that doesn’t mean the relationship is always easy, says Colleen Mullen, Psy. If this unhealthy dynamic is left unchallenged, she says, “there is a very high likelihood the relationship will not last.” But with a little perspective and effort, these bright side/dark side couplings can work remarkably well. There is usually one who sees the world more darkly than the other,” says Domonique Bertolucci, author of . ” While your partner’s cynicism may annoy you sometimes, you can probably identify at least three ways in which it actually helps you: He advised you against trusting a corrupt business partner, for example.
“Most couples have one person who is a spender and one who is the saver. Or he’s able to deal with negative events (they happen, after all) more efficiently than you.
So your love is not a glass-half-full kind of guy—maybe even a bit of a grump (though he likes to say he is simply a realist).
Being an optimist yourself, you often play the role of cheerleader.
This desire led me to engage in a number of relationships.
Some were good, others weren't, and I have learned a lot along the way.
HIV isn’t one of the variables that determine whether you and your partner are an emotional and physical match. If all of the other elements of a relationship seem to be in place – sexual attraction, similar tastes and a mutual like for each other’s weirdness – both of you would be a fool to let mismatched statuses get in the way.
Find other (appropriate) outlets to support your outlook: friends, clubs, a gym buddy, books, yoga or a place of worship.
The desire to be partnered is something I felt starting when I was a teenager; At age 16 I thought I would be married by the time I was 25 (ha! I wanted an intimate emotional connection, a relationship built on mutual support and encouragement.
Use the classic “I feel/when you/and I need” couples-counseling construct, advises Bertolucci: “I feel [unappreciated, mad] when you [complain about dinner] and I need [you to acknowledge my effort].” If you tend to be more optimistic than your partner, it’s up to you to nurture that attitude.
Yes, it’s easy to let a more negative person bring you down, but you don’t have to let your mood be dependent on someone else.
But there are a few things you should know when starting a relationship with an HIV-positive guy.